- Friending v.: When you first meet someone in real life, if you hit it off, one of the first things you ask about is if they have a Facebook. If their answer is "yes", you tell them you will friend them as soon as you get home. Then the waiting game begins. If you are the one who does the friending, you are nervously conscious of how long it takes the other person to accept your request. If it's more than a day or so, you start to freak out, because doesn't everyone check their Facebook at least once a day?! On the other hand, you may be one of those people who likes to play it cool, and doesn't like to do much friending. You prefer people to friend you. But deep down inside, after you meet someone and they tell you they'll friend you, if they don't right away, you burn with anticipation. You can't possibly make the first move though, because it's an unspoken rule on Facebook, that the one who does the friending is ultimately more interested than the one who doesn't. So as you wait for your little double people icon to pop up with a number one next to it, signifying a new friend request, you count down the minutes wondering if you should have just been the one to initiate the friending in the first place, because now it's too late in the game, and you'll only look desperate if you send a request now. I'd equate this to something like calling someone, leaving a message, and waiting for a call back, or sending a text message and waiting for a response.
- Defriending v.: This is the opposite of friending and comes like a thief in the night to steal away your privileges to view your prior friend's profile. Defriending someone is like the ultimate slap in the face, except unless you personally tell them you did it, they won't know until the next time they try to interact with you. Facebook doesn't tell them, it prefers to stay out of your little quarrel, and lets you take the passive aggressive way out. Defriending is also used as a threat when you're arguing with someone. Like, you can say, "if you don't stop acting like such a total moron I'm going to defriend you". Don't you wish you could actually do this in real life? I know a few people I wish I could just "defriend".
- Facebook stalking v.: This term is used when someone is telling you that they spent hours at some point looking at every inch of your Facebook profile. Your pictures, your bio, your wall posts, etc. It's funny how the term "stalking" has become so acceptable when used to refer to what someone has done with regard to your Facebook profile, but if that same someone were to tell you that they stalked you in real life you'd call the cops on them. Think about it. You're flattered if a guy you like tells you he "Facebook stalked" you, because you know he's interested enough to look through your pictures, your info and checkout your wall, just to get to know about you more. Now if that same guy were to follow you around, look through your underwear drawer, take pictures of you at Starbucks, and track down your friends from high school, meaning he was actually stalking you, you would be so far from flattered you'd probably freak out and change your name!
- Wall n.: This is where all of your status updates go, and where your friends can write little notes to you for all to see. Unfortunately, Facebook has coined the term "writing on your wall" to mean that someone left a comment for you to read. So now I can never actually, literally, write on someone's walls ever again without them thinking I'm talking about their Facebook. My graffiti days are officially over.
- Tag v.: Apparently it's fun to make sure that everyone is well aware of who exactly is in your pictures, as well as who exactly you are with, no matter where you are. You have the ability to tag, or basically attach your picture or status to any of your Facebook friends, so that everyone can be sure of who they are. Sometimes it's even become a fun game to tag people, even if they aren't actually there, as a kind of joke for one reason or another. How would this even apply in real life?!
- Status update n.: Before Facebook, you would have to pick up your phone to talk to one of your friends to let them know what you were up to. Now, with the click of a mouse, you can let everyone know what you're up to all at the same time. What were you thinking Facebook?! I now have to know about everyone's life moments, down to the tiniest detail, including but not limited to their dinner selections and bodily functions. I never once used to have a friend call me and tell me that they were headed to the bathroom for a number two, but I do now via their Facebook status. So thank you for that.
- Photo posting v.: I know friends of mine who are so obsessed with taking pictures just for the purpose of posting them to Facebook. Like, "oh, take this picture so I can put it on my page"! I also know people who take pictures at some event, and before I'm even home from this same event I see that the pictures have been posted. Never before in real life have I seen such an intense need to share our life story as I do now in the world of Facebook, as represented through our photos. I also see the types of photos people take and post, and I have to say, I'm kinda weirded out by some of them. The self portrait in the mirror with the kissy face, the half-dressed hoochie pose, the drugs and money shots. Really? But my all time favorite pictures I see on Facebook are the ones that are clearly pictures of you and someone else, where you've cropped out the "someone else" altogether. It always makes me wonder what that person did to get cut, or if you're just that narcissistic to know that the picture is way better with only you in it.
Facebook isn't the only instance where our real world has been completely changed. With the introduction of smartphones that can do pretty much anything you could ever need, there isn't any reason you would ever disconnect and rejoin reality. When your phone can check your email, text messages, voicemail, Facebook, Twitter, Google, stocks, bank information, Words with Friends, Angry Birds, watch movies, take pictures and videos, catch up on TV, sports, radio, and news, what's left? Why would you need to ever look up from the screen? I've seen couples sitting next to each other, clearly on a date or night out, looking at their phones the whole time instead of each other. Were they texting each other instead of having a face-to-face conversation? Maybe. I wouldn't be surprised. Or were they so engrossed in whatever they were doing on their phones that they forgot that they were even on that date to begin with? That sounds more like the probable answer. Our smartphones have now become smarter than us. They have replaced our human experience with a technological one. People now don't have to learn how to get over the awkwardness of real conversation, they can hide behind text messages and email. When you're in an elevator, or on an airplane, and don't want to talk to the person next to you, you can pretend you're texting someone and deter any personal communication. The age of home phones used solely to call a friend to come over for dinner is obsolete. We now live in the age of smartphones that we rely on to find us what we want for dinner, then to make us the grocery list, tell us what store to go to to find the ingredients needed, gps the route there, and then send a mass text and evite to let our friends know to come over. Later, it'll post the pictures we took to Facebook and the cycle will be complete.
I guess we will never go backward into the real world of the past, where people had to actually look at each other to talk, and didn't break up by defriending each other on Facebook, but I do sometimes wish our real world of today wasn't so technologically dependent. I wish we didn't rely on our smartphones to tell us the weather when we could step outside and feel the rain on our faces. But in the same breath, I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't say I was thankful for the advances in today's technology, because where would I be if I wasn't able to multitask so well? I mean, how else would I be able to write this, check my Facebook, read my emails on my iPhone, help The Noise with her homework and make dinner by looking up new recipes online, all at the same time? So I guess the new real world we live in isn't so bad after all. It's just a new version.
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