My two cents on...growing up:

Growing up is a tough pill to swallow.  Some of us grow up at a young age, and some of us, like Peter Pan, never grow up.  Or at least we never want to.  What exactly is growing up anyway?  What does it actually mean to grow up.  Literally it means your physical stature would get taller than what it is now.  You would grow in an upward direction.  If that were physically the case in this sense, I wish I would grow up a little more.  Unfortunately, it doesn't follow the literal definition so I'll never get any taller than I am now.  Super.  Instead, it's more of a figurative term really.  Growing up means you become more adult-like, you take on characteristics of someone who is mature and responsible, you are able to take care of yourself and be accountable for your own actions, and you've passed on from the ways of your youth and your childlike behaviors.  Unfortunately for Peter Pan, growing up is a fact of life, just like being born, paying taxes, and dying.


As a child, I looked at grown ups like they were so much larger than me.  Not only that, but they were just larger than life in general.  Grown ups were just huge.  Dad was a real superhero who could also fix anything, or at least he knew exactly who to call when he broke it while trying to fix it.  Mom was a whiz in the kitchen and yelled my name louder than any other mom in the neighborhood when I was in trouble.  My teachers knew so much more than I ever thought any person on the whole planet could, and I felt so lucky to have them at my very own school.  Then one day I realized they actually weren't that big, and I started to notice that they were just regular people with average abilities, mostly all about the same size and shape, and there really was nothing exciting about being a grown up at all.


Then, slowly but surely, grown ups started to disappoint me.  One by one.  They went from being my superheros to being my worst enemies.  They weren't so big anymore, but they were just big enough to leave a lasting imprint on my heart for the future to play with later. The ones I trusted the most let me down the hardest.  I didn't want to be like them.  I didn't want to be that type of person when I grew up.  But no one would teach me how to be a grown up the right way.  I found some pretty drastic ways to figure it out on my own, far too young.  I stumbled and fell along the way as I tried to walk the thin line between being a child and an adult.  That thin line is called being a grown up and it's not easy when you don't have a road map.  I made a lot of mistakes and I got hurt and burned and scarred and broken, but it brought me through the gap between childhood and adulthood, just like it was meant to do.


Now, as a part time grown up, part time Peter Pan and part time adult, I look at it all and think that things would probably have gone much smoother if I had just waited a bit longer to grow up.  Those things I stumbled over, and the fires I went through wouldn't have hurt so bad if I'd been a little older and probably taller (maybe).  I came to the conclusion that the act of growing up is sort of like the boat that ferries you from childhood to adulthood somewhere in and around the time you're in your late teens - early 20s. It's up to you to either take the scenic route, making sure you stop along the way for things like college and traveling, and lots and lots of early 20-something experiences, or to take the speed boat like a bat outta Hell, crashing through everything, on a mission to just get there whatever the cost.  I chose the later, and really wish I hadn't sometimes.


There's so much about being a grown up that can wait.  Like bills.  Take my bills, you can have them, just give me math tests back in return!  Or expectations.  Just the general expectations of you as an adult are so different from what they were as a child.  I wish I could be five again when I was only expected to know my ABCs, pick up my toys, and make sure I didn't hit anybody at school.  I can totally do that.  Make sure I keep the peace in my household while simultaneously running two businesses, working a part time job, being a full time stay at home mom and a full time wife, while also maintaining the bills, appointments, bank accounts and schedules of our family, and throwing in some time to do the few things I enjoy doing for myself or others?...every day...without messing up?  That's a lot, but sure, I can do that too.  Is it ok if I hit someone though?


So what is it about being a grown up that is so enticing?  Why are the kids of today lining up around the block to get on the speed boat, just to go crashing through the best time in their lives to get to adulthood?  It's not like they don't have everything they could possibly need that adults can have too.  Cell phones, computers, TVs and cars.  Am I missing something?  It can't be alcohol because no one who wants to drink that bad waits until they're 21 anyway.  It's unfortunate, but true.  And quite honestly, I know far too many adults who are of legal drinking age that are better off without it themselves.  So what is it?  What is that magical fairy dust that makes kids go ga-ga for growing up?


One word.  Independence.  Being able to say I want to eat peanut butter and pickle sandwiches for breakfast every day for a month for no other reason other than the fact that I want to, and then doing it.  As a grown up I can.  I would never in my lifetime eat that, but I could if I wanted.  I will confess, I ate a whole dozen chocolate chip cookies yesterday.  But I'm a grown up so it's ok.  At least that's what I told The Noise when she asked why I was allowed to and she wasn't (I wasn't about to tell her I was trying to make the pain of feeling like a failure as a mother go away through some cookie therapy).  And that right there is the proof as to why the cycle continues.  As kids, we just want to be grown ups so we can tell ourselves what to do. which would surely be infinitely cooler than what our parents want us to do.  Then, when we become grown ups, we don't like the responsibilities and expectations that are put upon us, so we plead to become kids again so someone else can be in charge.  


So cheers to those who take the scenic route and live life within every moment, instead of always waiting to get to the next step.  Remember, all we have is today.  Yesterday can never be changed or recovered. Tomorrow is never a guarantee, nor can you foresee what's coming, no matter how hard you look.  So if you're wasting any time worrying about either, you're losing out on the most important gift: The Present.