My two cents on...friendships:

I haven't written in a while because well, I've been off saving the planet.  Actually, I haven't, but I've been off doing some really amazing other cool junk.  Just thought you should know.  Anyway.  I've learned a lot about a lot of things over the last month or so, and one of the things I wanted to write about most was friendship.  I've spent some time really evaluating the term and evaluating what it means to different people and different age groups, so here's what I've figured out.  I think.


When we are small, we say that everyone is our "best friend".  The Noise, my little social butterfly, loves to make friends.  She will talk to anyone.  She will walk up to a perfect stranger and tell them her whole life story in an instant, even if they didn't ask for it.  It's a little disconcerting in this day and age, because well, she's a young lady and young ladies shouldn't do that sort of thing.  We've been working on that concept, but we are still a work in progress.  The other thing I've noticed about her is that she and her best friends seem to switch around every day.  It seems to be an epidemic, this best friend switching, so I'm told by the teachers.  They do it all the time.  One day, two girls are "best friends", then the next day, they can't stand each other and are making fun of each other's shoes and hair and handwriting.  But then, low and behold, the day after that, they've made up and are "best friends" again!  So what is this teaching our youngest generation about friends?  Are they that disposable?  Do they come and go that easily, as if they are made of paper and can float in and out with the morning breeze?  I remember as a Girl Scout, singing a little song while we all stood in a circle, it started off like this: 


Make new friends,
but keep the old.
One is silver,
the other is gold.A circle is round,
it has no end.
That's how long,
I will be your friend.

Friendships just seemed to mean more when I was a kid.  My friends were supposed to be made of precious metals, silver and gold, and even though one may have been around longer, the other was just as special. But maybe that's because I remember being best friends with everyone, and can't remember the days we weren't friends and made fun of each other's shoes and hair and handwriting?  It's a mystery.

Now Hubs on the other hand baffles me with his friendship making skills.  He makes fast friends, and as an adult I feel like that is much more difficult than when you are a child.  I am always in awe of how quickly he can connect with someone on a personal level, and I feel like I missed out on a monumental moment that must have happened in the blink of an eye when the two of them went from just meeting to being inseparable in mere seconds. They're calling and emailing and texting, and he's asking if they can come over for dinner or if they can come over to just hang out (aka play Xbox) after the kids are in bed.  I feel strange and uncertain because I don't know who this person is.  I almost feel like a mom, in the sense that I want to ask him if I can meet this kid's parents or what kind of upbringing they've had.  It's all so sudden, and I haven't had time to figure out if I think I like them or not because I can't even remember their name yet, much less remember if I've associated them with the correct place in which they met, or time in which they last hung out.  I have a terrible memory, and it's even worse with names, so I have to make word associations, like "this is Bob, and he's the guy from the Soccer game", and they I say, "Ohhhhhhhhh, okay, Bob from the soccer game, got it".  I secretly forget again 12 minutes later, but at least I've tried to put some association together.  But, see these are such fast friendships I just can't keep up.  Then, they abruptly end.  Not in a bad way, but they usually run their course, and the two remain friends in a sense, but just not as intense of friends as they initially were, so they fall off the radar.  I get thrown off, because Hubs has then moved on to a new fast friend, and the cycle continues.

Now in my case, I'm terrible at making friends.  I always have been.  It's not that I'm not a nice person, and it's not that I don't like having friends.  I just don't think I am one of the type of people that can have multiple relationships at once.  Maybe it's because I have such a bad memory and can't even commit someone's name until the seventh or eight time we've met.  Or maybe it's because I just have one too many things to do to make enough time to add another relationship to my list.  I know that sounds awfully snobby, but I really am not a snob at all.  I give my whole heart to the relationships I have; my marriage, my kids, and my family, so there's little leftover to give to anyone else, and I don't want to give poorly to a friendship.  What I've found is that I do best with friends who are very much like me.  They are okay with the fact that I don't call every day, or text every 28 seconds with updates on my life.  Those are the same friends I've had for over 10 years or so and they are pretty familiar with how I operate.  They've accepted me for all my flaws and imperfections, and they know that there are probably 1,000 times every day when I think of them, and say to myself, "I should call so-in-so", but then when I get home, I get to doing something else, and I forget.  They know in their hearts that I love them, and I know they love me, and on the rare occasion we see each other or talk to each other, we catch up and act as if we haven't missed a beat.

Now, I know there are those of you out there also, who I have watched from afar because you aren't within my family or friend circle, who are in the "addictive friend" category.  I call it that because what I see is a constant, almost obsessive need to stay in contact with your friends on a 24-7 basis, whether through phone, email, Facebook, text, personal contact, etc.  I'm not sure if this is a normal phenomenon, but it kinda creeps me out.  I'm not gonna lie.  Maybe I'm either too old or too young to understand whatever was in the water when it occurred, but it's weird.  A little space could be good for a friendship I think.  No?  Don't get me wrong, I love my best friend.  I mean, I have known her for 16 years.  That's a long time.  There isn't anything I wouldn't do for that girl.  But, I don't know that I could talk to her 24-7.  I tried to live with her once, and that didn't exactly work out so well.  How do you do it?  How do you keep from killing each other when you are that attached at the hip...or at every organ for that matter?  Please, help me further understand, because this one I'm still baffled about.

I recently went away on a trip with some teens from my church, and one of them made me a friendship bracelet on the long drive home.  I've never had someone make me one before.  Even as an adult, it made me feel special.  Now I know it may not have held the same meaning as it would have had it been made for another teen, but nevertheless, it made me feel like I was a real friend.  I still have it on my wrist now as I type this, and I hope to keep it on, as you're supposed to with a friendship bracelet, till it falls off.  Because even though I may not be any good at making friends, I do know what a friend really is, no matter if their made of paper, silver, gold, or string.