It's usually around the holidays when we take a closer look at our families. Some of us have small, close-knit groups of just a few members, but all of them know that no matter what, each of those people would die for them if ever given the chance. Then there are some of us who have large, widely spread families who have lost touch through the years, moved too many times without sending an updated address, or just plain suck at communicating in general, so they couldn't tell you if Aunt Millie was on husband number three or seven or exactly how many cousins they currently have. Now don't get me wrong, there are any number of combinations varying between the above two extremes to accommodate any type of family situation out there, so don't feel left out.
Something we all have in common though, is that urge to be with family on the holidays. At least the big ones. Whether we have a loving family who embraces us, our kids, and all our wacky baggage, or we have a scattered group of relatives who all come together for the yearly bitchfest to slaughter each other's character, we feel drawn to them around this time of year. It's human nature. Or all those commercials that secretly make us cry, like the Folgers one where the girl puts the bow on her brother who's home on leave and tells him that he's her present this year (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOQk_pWmisA). You cried, don't lie. Either way, we find ourselves in the perpetual holiday family "do we or don't we" game every year. Do we host Christmas here or drive two hours to mom's house? Who don't we want to see? Well, if we have Thanksgiving here, we could invite Suzie and her husband, but tell John and his wife that we don't have room here for all the kids. Who do we buy for? Who do we send cards to? Who don't we want to offend? And on and on and on and on and on...
So, what if you're like me and have, by far, the most scattered, disconnected, disjointed and unattached family ever created? How do the holidays feel? Well first, please allow me to elaborate a bit on my personal family, er, tree. It goes a little something like this:
It's ugly, I know. All mixed in here, we have a total of how many houses to visit during the holidays? And I'm not even taking into account my in-laws or friends, or even my cousins, nieces/nephews or any other extended family! If you need any help deciphering this cryptic Mayan code, let me know, I offer after school tutoring.
So, I'll tell you how they feel. The holidays, that is, not my family. It's stressful and mind numbing and strained, but it's most of all sad. Yeah, I said it, just plain sad. Hubs' family is close, and they all talk on Thanksgiving and Christmas (at least). The phone gets passed around and everyone says hello and I love you before sending the receiver on to the next person. It's part of the reason I married him. I always longed for that family that was close to each other, no matter the miles in between. Relatives who traveled in for special occasions, tables filled with loving smiles, and even just holiday phone calls to send their best. It was all what I'd wished for every year when I made my Christmas list. "Dear Santa, this year, please give me a close, loving family". Well, my wish did eventually come true when I married, but I do still secretly wish Santa would change my own family some day. It may be a long time off though. As of right now, if I wait for a holiday phone call from my father, I'll be waiting till I'm in the grave. One can wish though, right?
So what are we to do when our own family has failed us this time of year? Who do we turn to? I don't know about the rest of you with scattered sand for families, but I turn to everyone else around me. They may not be my blood, but sometimes blood doesn't make a family. Sometimes there are others around us, like friends or our own children and spouses' families, that can help fulfill that longing we feel right about now. Sometimes love can come from even the most unlikely place, like a co-worker or local barista. And then sometimes, all you actually need is to watch some sappy commercials about Christmas, coffee, and a perfectly placed bow to feel happy and content with who you are and what you have. Thanks Folgers.
