My two cents on...gangstas

U betta hold on to yo seats bitches cuz shits bout to get deep...

Yeah.  I really just said that.

First, let me describe a "gangsta" for you before I give you my full two cents on the matter.  I'm going to pretend it's 1990-something and I'm Jeff Foxworthy, but instead of the "You know you're a redneck" checklist I'm going to make the "You know you're a gangsta" checklist:

You know you're a gangsta when:

• No one knows you by your real name, only your "street name"...aka Peanut.
• The number of teeth in your mouth covered in gold outweighs the number of teeth not covered in gold. 
• Your car is a piece of crap, usually two or three different colors not counting the rust, a door or window probably doesn't work, your tint is bubbling or half peeled off, but your rims are no less than 20" and that chrome be shinin'!!  
• You have the rims described above and you probably got them from Rent n Roll because the crack business just isn't what it once was so you need a payment plan...be careful, if you don't pay your bill, your car will be on cinder blocks in the morning.
• I believe Lil' Boosie put it best; "Gas tank on E, but all drinks on me"...you pull up to the club on fumes, but step inside and you're a VIP!
• Your age multiplied by the number of fingers you throw up in your gang sign equals the number of times you've been in jail.
• You post up pictures of yourself with all sorts of incriminating items such as drugs, guns, gang signs, etc on public forums for all to see (this is more specifically referred to as a Facebook gangsta, MySpace gangsta, etc) as if giving a big middle finger to anyone in a position of authority; "what, you can't do nothin".
• Everything you've ever gotten in trouble for has always been someone else's fault, including the power that gets cut off every month because the bill doesn't get paid...that's your mama's fault because she misspelled Progress Energy on the money order.
• You don't have a job because it's way easier to "trap or die" when you're not tied down to a 9-5. 
• When you're not fighting them for a profit, you walk your collection of pitbulls on chains because only pussies walk their dogs on leashes.
• You have at least two to three kids, most certainly with different baby mamas, because it's important to make sure your prestigious family blood line gets carried on through the generations...but if those bitches ask for child support, they're on their own, cause that ain't your kid.
• You have teardrops tattoo'd on your face.
• When the cops pull you over, before they even question you, you answer "it's not mine".

I think that'll do for now.  Get the picture?  I don't like gangstas.  If you answered yes to the questions above and are reading this blog, I apologize in advance.  Not really, because you probably lost interest after the first sentence, so you haven't even gotten this far down.  Too much weed will do that to you.  Why don't I like gangstas?  Well, to put this lightly, they're worthless human beings who woke up one day and decided they'd rather be a useless leech to society than take the initiative or pride in themselves to do anything more than nothing in order to succeed at anything in life other than being worthless.  I think that about sums it up.  Just for fun, since my blogs are usually long and quite "colorful", I have some choice things I'd like to say about my list above, so I'm gonna break it down for you one by one...

No one knows you by your real name, only your "street name"...aka Peanut.  Well this is just ridiculous.  Why would you even want that name?!  If I was going to pick a street name, I'd probably go with something like "DeathSlayer", but that's just me.  Call me crazy, but I'd prefer to have the other gangstas be a scared of me, not be worried if they were going to have an allergic reaction and need to pack their Epipen.

The number of teeth in your mouth covered in gold outweighs the number of teeth not covered in gold.  Again, ridiculous.  You look like you ate too many of those gold coins people pass out at Halloween with the wrapper still on.  Do you get food stuck in there?  I bet it starts to sink after a while.  I remember when I had my Invisalign braces, and if I didn't wash them out good every night, they reeked!! Gross.

Your car is a piece of crap, usually two or three different colors not counting the rust, a door or window probably doesn't work, your tint is bubbling or half peeled off, but your rims are no less than 20" and that chrome be shinin'!!  Why not spend a few dollars on a decent car?  Who needs the rims, what are they even for?  I will never understand the draw of shiny rims on a craptastic box of turd-mobile.

You have the rims described above and you probably got them from Rent n Roll because the crack business just isn't what it once was so you need a payment plan...be careful, if you don't pay your bill, your car will be on cinder blocks in the morning.  I have a friend who moved here from up north and when he saw his first Rent n Roll, he called me hysterical, screaming into the phone, "DID YOU KNOW THERE IS A PLACE YOU CAN RENT RIMS?!!!"  He was in shock and disbelief!  It's so sad really.

I believe Lil' Boosie put it best; "Gas tank on E, but all drinks on me"...you pull up to the club on fumes, but step inside and you're a VIP!  This just makes me laugh because one gangsta calls out all the other gangstas in his own song and it's so true!

Your age multiplied by the number of fingers you throw up in your gang sign equals the number of times you've been in jail.  I totally made this up, but tell me it doesn't sound right? If I'm 15, and throw up three fingers in my gang sign, the chances of me having gone to jail 45 times are pretty likely!  Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating just a touch, but you get my point.

You post up pictures of yourself with all sorts of incriminating items such as drugs, guns, gang signs, etc on public forums for all to see (this is more specifically referred to as a Facebook gangsta, MySpace gangsta, etc) as if giving a big middle finger to anyone in a position of authority; "what, you can't do nothin".  Really?  Uh, yes...I can.

Everything you've ever gotten in trouble for has always been someone else's fault, including the power that gets cut off every month because the bill doesn't get paid...that's your mama's fault because she misspelled Progress Energy on the money order.  You have got to get that mama of yours in check!  Or, you could get a real job, pay your own bills and stop blaming everyone else for your problems in life?  Too difficult?  Ok.

You don't have a job because it's way easier to "trap or die" when you're not tied down to a 9-5.  I totally feel your pain on this one.  Working a real job is tough, what with all those bosses and rules and junk.  I'd never be able to just run around shootin' bitches and robbin old people.  You've got a good thing going there, maybe you should keep that up.  Real jobs are for real men and women.  Don't worry, we'll hold it down in here, while you hold it down out there in the streets.  We wouldn't want you to bruise your trigger finger on that nasty keyboard would we?

When you're not fighting them for a profit, you walk your collection of pitbulls on chains because only pussies walk their dogs on leashes.  Well played.  But my dog loves me more than your dog loves you and when you die you're gonna go to doggy Heaven first to answer to doggy God before you go to Hell, and all the doggies are gonna pee on you one last time since no one in Hell will, even if you're on fire, once you're down there.

You have at least two to three kids, most certainly with different baby mamas, because it's important to make sure your prestigious family blood line gets carried on through the generations...but if those bitches ask for child support, they're on their own, cause that ain't your kid.  Our court system sucks, and you'll probably get away with not having to pay child support for your offspring that you fathered in order to further your champion pedigree, but it's only half your fault.  The other half lies with your stupid baby mama who should have known not to get knocked up by a gangsta!

You have teardrops tattoo'd on your face.  I never got the sentiment here.  Are you sad because you killed that person?  Or are those their tears because you killed them?  Or do you just want to look like a jackass when you're 75 because your skin has sagged and wrinkled and now you have little black boogers smooshed on the side of your cheek where your teardrops used to be?

When the cops pull you over, before they even question you, you answer "it's not mine".  Actually, you should have peeled off the bumper sticker you stuck on your car last week that says "I Get High".  I think that may have tipped them off.

What's my point?  I don't know, I don't really have one.  I'm just so appalled at some things I've seen lately and it makes me so sad in my heart to know that I have to raise my kids in the same world as these "gangstas".  I'm gonna go lose some sleep now.